Marriage thoughts

We always want the best of the best, which is great, why should we settle for less? Whether it may be a degree, a job, a business or even a spouse.

Nowadays I see this trend when it comes to marriage, the crave to want the best of the best. But how is the ‘best’ defined? Is it a person’s loyalty? Humility? Integrity? No. It seems to be more and more about how educated they are, how much they earn, what car they drive etc. I’m not saying these things are not important, of course they are! But so are other things, purely basing a marriage on a few ticked boxes is almost as if we’re cheating ourselves.

Being smart is attractive, I totally agree, but if a marriage is struggling then a PhD in Fluid Dynamics isn’t going to fix it. I feel as if some people think being successful (whether it may be in terms of education or career) gives them the license to slack on other qualities such as simply being generous and humble. Being educated doesn’t necessarily make you better than another human being, a degree isn’t for everyone, everyone shines in their own way.

The kind of marriage I crave is what my parents have. They had the typical asian arranged marriage and believe it or not but they didn’t even see each other until the actual wedding day. Crazy right? Our generation have really got it so wrong, we see the person, we meet them and often get to know them, YET the divorce rate right now is higher than ever. The older generation were more loyal, they would stick by their partner through thick and thin and that was the norm. It didn’t matter if there was no spark or if the marriage was dead, you pull yourself together and get on with it.

Our generation is just a greedy generation. We want the best of the best and also think we deserve it. If a marriage isn’t working out, we think it’s best to leave as our happiness is may be elsewhere rather than stick around, be patient and make things work.

To be honest I don’t even know where I am going with this and to be honest these aren’t even blog posts, these are just my random thoughts that I save on my phone in the notes sections. There’s no layout, or particular topic, it’s just random thoughts.
Being a bengali educated asian girl the marriage pressure is there and of course my parents have high expectations, which parents don’t? But I know that the things that I crave are not something that can be defined on paper.

Think about your best friend, what qualities does he/she hold? This could be loyalty, integrity, understanding, could be so many different things and that’s exactly what you should seek.

5 thoughts on “Marriage thoughts

  1. The number one criteria for marriage should be how loyal one is with their partner. Jobs come and go but marriage should be as the saying goes, till “death do us apart”. You are right our generation are devoid of thought and loyalty, the by product has been these ridiculous high rates of divorce.

    As an educated Bengali guy I know very well the pressures Bengali cultures puts on when it comes to marriage.

    Awesome blog by the way! Found it via your Instagram account which I happen to come across. Keep up the great work.

    Cheers!

    1. Thanks so much for reading and posting your views!

      1. Aww…you responded.

        Well Missus, since you are in the market for a guy and you certainly like to surround yourself with like minded individuals. Would you be perhaps interested in a Western Educated Bengali guy who grew up in the West? I could forward you my, what they say in the Bengali community Bio Data (which I find very amusing ;)). Why not see it and possibly show it to your parents? What do you have to lose?

        I don’t normally post such things on a public forum but like you I don’t live in the world of “What If’s”. Since we both seem to have some similar characteristics, might as well go for it. As humans we are drawn to certain people, as the saying goes “Like attracts Like”. You seem like a classy lady, value loyalty, self development, and is very intelligent and have a confident mind, and we both are Car Enthusiasts! That is very rare to find in a woman. I have an Engineering degree and work as an Engineer by profession. I don’t like to speak much of my Education background because that doesn’t make someone a good person. Integrity, character, empathy, sympathy and the ability to walk in someone else’s shoes is much more important.

        Anyways, please let me know if you are interested in my Biodata (which also has my pictures). Like I said, what do you have to lose? I am the one who is sticking out my neck for this.

        By the way, I can explain to you Fubini’s Theorem. 😉 I am an Engineer; we know a few things or two about Mathematics.

        Hope this wasn’t too long. But hey, this was my one shot, might as well go all out and hope that Murphy’s Law is not a reality.

        You know my e-mail address.

        Salam,

        Fahim.

      2. Hi. Thank you for your kind words, I am truly flattered but unfortunately I am currently not looking for a spouse. I wish you all the best for the future!

  2. Ha! Thanks for the response Atiya. Despite me spending a week and writing about this looks like I have failed. 🙁 Regardless, I will say one thing as a Muslim brother to a Muslim sister, don’t wait too long for marriage. I am only a couple of years older than you but I have fielded interests from ladies who were older than me who has similar characteristics as you (again like attracts like) who waited till there late 20’s or early 30’s or even later waiting on the “Best” and passed on a lot of good guys. Then they wonder, “Where have all the good guys gone?” You don’t want to end up like that. If you find a certain guy who has certain characteristics that you like, don’t be afraid to get hitched. You might not find someone like that ever again.

    Don’t worry, despite my futile attempts at wooing you I will still come around this blog once in a while. 😉

    This blog has great content which are informative and serves as a great reminder to myself.

    Cheers!

    Oh by the way, if you know any ladies who are looking for marriage who might be interested in moving to the US, let me know. 😉 The U.K. seems to have a dis proportionate number of high quality Bengali ladies. Tell them they can visit sunny California. 😉

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